What makes you smile

Back to the beginning is sometimes hitting against the wall to gain strength and accuracy but also to remember the movement. Remembering the feeling is more than halfway there to hitting the ball right.  The physical ability sure.  The strength, accuracy, the feeling from the deep roots of your heels up through your arms. But the real journey of a good connection is from the feeling of the ground running through your legs and arms and into your imagination. That’s where you can really lay into the ball and move it wherever you want. It’s also true whether it takes place on the court, against the wall, or behind your closed eyelids; or whether it’s a soft hit, seriously strong and powered or the surprising fluency from timing. 

When the fear comes or the darkness, it is like a cloud of sand that moves like a wave between the horizon and the plain. If only it were like a water spout, magical and from a distance, astonishing. Crowded by thoughts, by weights not entered on the periodic table core iron is pulled from your blood sending you into a sea darker than any ocean shadow. 

You forget who you are and why. You forgot what makes you smile. How this weight can come between you and what is joyful, that is the puzzle.  There is no set itinerary for the road back. Compasses are not helpful.  Yes it is possible to survive this time and enter your home or go to work. But the going and the coming are empty. In the rush rush world nobody notices. You try to engage. You pump the clutch; pull the gear into position and nothing. You look around for hills to gain momentum and trick the engine. 

Sometimes the carrot is a feather. A gift blessed by ceremony and connection; by meaning drawn from the shared experience of people holding the dream of our world in their songs and visions. You had to pick up the feather. Even as you accept such a gift, the feather always was on the wings of your soul. The light was always the night’s partner. The day is yours to remember who you are and what makes you smile.