I saw every hour go by or the tender coils of forgetfulness or patterns emerge if you look long and deep enough or days filled with the kindness of memory

from Baubo in the kitchen (2)

As Mrs. Scattergood walked home she thought to blame her disoriented feeling on not getting enough sleep.  “I know I slept because I had some strange dreams but I also felt as if I looked at the clock and saw every hour go by.”  If given half a chance she’d blame everything on daylight savings time. She could never get a fix on that and she had a fair share of years at it already. Messes her up something fierce. She always did have a strained relationship with time.  To stay aware now she has to do a conscious version of the doggy paddle. The distance between the beach and her cottage was a buffer zone where she hoped, as she moved forward she’d lose her fog. The shore always acted like a buffer zone and triage for her spirits. 

~

     Mrs. Scattergood moved forward but still felt dog tired.  The air was damp with that moisture and snow was a whisper in the wind.  She noticed the smell of the wet wool jacket.  Despite being wet it still provided some warmth.  She liked the warmth from clothes that separated her from the cold.  It had a quality of its own apart from the warmth you might get from a house or a fireplace.  It was the fact of it being necessary that made it all the more comfortable when available. She tried to focus on getting home but sleep was calling her by name and she was beginning to wonder where could she lay down again hoping to reach for the tender coils of forgetfulness.

~         

     Memories pulled her along. Like the day she took Mrs. Scattergood as her name. Mrs. Scattergood was a character in the book Telltale that she was writing.  She connected all the characters but it was never explained how she knew each of them.  Mrs. Scattergood, the character, would send everyone pictures of the Mandelbrot set.  She found them beautiful. They captured the meaning of the world that she wasn’t able to articulate. The visualization of chaos theory. It wasn’t about the chaos but the sense that if you look long enough you see patterns that connect and similarities. Everything always looked like something else to Mrs. Scattergood. The living Mrs. Scattergood, with the fathomable knowledge deposited by time knew that part of chaos theory, the idea that patterns emerge if you look long and deep enough, was true.  She had many regrets that proved this theory.  Friends and family, siblings, Barry, lost before she knew what she would have liked to know before their passing.  Chaos for sure, those days that were consumed by her woeful memories.  But there were days filled with the kindness of memory too.

~

Except from riding the waves:  a tale about being home in the world by freda karpf